Jokes:

Here is the place to talk about anything, this also includes any 'non-Rooster' footy talk.

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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:38 pm

Garage Door



The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.



As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.

He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'



He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask,

'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'



She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires...
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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:52 pm

42472020_1494153734020124_686080730152828928_n.jpg
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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:29 pm

THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE
Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I had a terrible day." replied Bob. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.
Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.
So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
"I see" said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"

Bob replied: " Wrong room ."
Work hard, dream big, make it count.

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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Fri Oct 05, 2018 5:58 pm

A PENSIONERS HOLIDAY
A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing all the glamorous destinations around the world.
The Agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a great holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense and I won't take 'no' for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his Secretary to arrange two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.

"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me."

"Oh, what was that?" asked the travel agent.

"Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?"
Work hard, dream big, make it count.

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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:48 am

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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Tue Oct 23, 2018 8:50 am

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.99 and deer nuts are just under a buck
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locky
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Re: Jokes:

Post by locky » Sat Nov 10, 2018 12:08 pm

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

The wedding ceremony came to the point where the minister asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom.
The moment of utter silence was broken when a beautiful young woman carrying a child stood up. She starts walking slowly towards the minister.
The congregation was aghast - you could almost hear a pin drop.
The groom's jaw dropped as he stared in disbelief at the approaching young woman and child.
Chaos ensued.
The bride threw the bouquet into the air and burst out crying.
Then the groom's mother fainted.
The best men started giving each other looks and wondering how to save the situation.
The minister asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
There was absolute silence in the church.
The woman replied, "We can't hear you in the back."
Work hard, dream big, make it count.

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Ian
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Re: Jokes:

Post by Ian » Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:52 pm

TWO Aussies were out hunting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approached it and were amazed at its size.

The first said, "Wow mate, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second said, "There's an old gear box over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

So, they picked up the heavy gear box, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three and heaved it in.

As they were standing there, looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, right up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.

While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.

Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "G'day, you blokes didn't happen to see my goat?"

The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a 160 KPH and jumped head first into this hole!"

The old farmer said, "Nah, that's impossible! I had him chained to a gear box.

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